Randomness

Necrogami — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 10:47:09 +0000

So i’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what to write for the last few days. I know i’ve never really been one for updating this thing. Let alone one to actually write something.

I turned 26 the other day and it really made me think about my life. I really haven’t accomplished much of anything in my life. And, that really bugs me. I’ve always wanted to do great things in life. I admit i have taken things for granted and just gone with them. I also have been a bit on the antisocial side of things. I’ve never really been a bar goer. I can always strike up conversations with just about anyone. But they never really went anywhere. I’m an asshole to boot. I mean i have morals and i respect most people. But I say what i think regardless of how it makes the other person feel. My close friends have come to accept that is who i am but it alienates me from a lot of people. I’ve done this in certain parts of my life but not others. I’ve always been shy towards women i really like. I don’t know why i just am. While thinking about having turned 26 i was conversing with a friend from NYC over email on Facebook. I decided i was going to be more straight forward with the women in my life. Those past and any future as there really are no present ones to speak of.

With this i set out to talk to some past women of my life and tell them how i felt about them. Some forgot who i was others had no idea. I have always been a hard person to read. I am normally very straight faced. There are a few i would love a second chance at but only time will tell if ill ever get that opportunity. Others i’ve never dated but would love to. I’ve already blew, what i at least at this point in my life believe was, my one. And i realize that it was i who did it. I fucked up. I know now that she didn’t love me as i did her. I kick myself for it all the time. She’s moved on now and married. I don’t really ever get to talk to her anymore. I hope she’s doing well. But alas. We live but one life. And such i am searching for the someone to fill the void in my life. I don’t know what ill find. But i’m going to try. Lay it all down and not give up. There are but a few people in my life which i have loved. Even after they are gone i still think about them. There is still room for others that i have yet to know. Who knows where life will lead.

I work. I have no idea where my job will lead me. I enjoy the job and the people. It has it’s frustrations, what job doesn’t? The people here are awesome. I still want to own my own business. I’d love to get life on track. I need to goto college so that a degree is not holding me back from doing anything. I have some great idea’s in my head i need to hash out into applications. Try and get them funded to see where they can lead me.

I have some debts in my life i’d love to get paid off. I can’t wait till i’m done paying off my car so i can work on getting a place of my own. I hate living with my parents. It was a necessity but it bugs the hell out of me. I’m 26 and still at home. I feel pathetic.

That’s all for now ill probably start updating this a bit more.